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For years you've been watching your tongue so that what you say doesn't end up here. Now, you'll have to watch how you look. You never know who has a camera.

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kings, queens, what's the difference

-6 [+ / -]     Mar 10, 2010

  • Drunk girl: Is this a gay bar?
  • Drunker girl: I don't know where I am right now.
  • Drunk girl: I mean, I don't give a shit. Remember my old neighbor? She was gay. Oh wait! Yeah. Remember how this was that other gay bar? And now it's New Earth? Yeah, this is a gay bar.

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yeah, can i get some lettuce and some kanye?

12 [+ / -]     Mar 09, 2010

  • Guy: So, what do you like in your wrap?
  • Girl: Oh you know a little Akon, a little Young Jeezy.

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however, the subtext is also in french

6 [+ / -]     Mar 05, 2010

  • (Talking about a foreign film)
  • Professor: Well, I guess you had to read the subtext.
  • Girl: I read the subtext.
  • Professor: The subtext, not the subtitles.

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my big fat greek lack of a decent education

1 [+ / -]     Mar 05, 2010

  • Girl 1: Oh my gosh! Look how pretty her skin is!
  • Girl 2: Yeah! She looks like she's a straight-out-of-Greece Italian.

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one size fits all

34 [+ / -]     Mar 04, 2010

  • Girl 1: I use NuvaRing.
  • Girl 2: Oh, really? Can you feel it? Is it hard to insert?
  • Girl 1: No, but during sex, it's the perfect size to get wrapped around a penis. A guy pulled it out once and asked me if it was important.

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forgive me father, for i have sinned

11 [+ / -]     Mar 03, 2010

  • Girl 1: She told me she wanted to save it for marriage.
  • Girl 2: Doesn't she know she can just repent?

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we'll assume he also likes it when it's warm

6 [+ / -]     Mar 03, 2010

  • (A guy is walking with his friend down the hall)
  • Guy: A long thick stream. I like it when it shoots into my mouth.
  • (Pause)
  • Guy: A water fountain.

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thirsty thursday strikes again

91 [+ / -]     Mar 03, 2010

  • (On a Friday morning)
  • Grad Assistant: You guys look like shit. Okay, show of hands, how many of you guys are still drunk from last night?
  • (Every single person in room raises their hand)
  • Grad Assistant: Okay, now show of hands, how many of you did I hit on last night?
  • (Four girls and one guy raise their hand)
  • Grad Assistant: Eh, I've done worse.

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double science fail

42 [+ / -]     Mar 02, 2010

  • Professor: Can anyone name a mammal that needs to hold its breath for a long time?
  • Student 1: A frog?
  • Professor: Um, no. Definitely not a frog.
  • Student 2: A manatee?
  • Professor: What's a manatee?

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would she then be able to pray the gay away?

-12 [+ / -]     Mar 01, 2010

  • Girl 1: I want every guy I've been with to have to end their story with, "then she went gay and became a nun, the end."
  • Girl 2: We're horrible Catholics. I love you.

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so, what's the downside?

-8 [+ / -]     Feb 26, 2010

  • Professor: Share a line, and the next thing you know, you're sharing bodily fluids.

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what about crazy people?

24 [+ / -]     Feb 26, 2010

  • Freshman Girl 1: So, I have a new obsession... nuts!
  • Freshman Girl 2: Like, boy nuts? Or nuts nuts?

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you just can't trust someone with that many freckles

36 [+ / -]     Feb 25, 2010

  • Spanish Teacher: Do you guys think there is discrimination in the US? If so, what groups?
  • Student 1: Hispanics.
  • Student 2: Women.
  • Student 3: African Americans.
  • Ginger Student: Red-heads!

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automatic diarrhea for the people

-33 [+ / -]     Feb 24, 2010

  • Girl 1: Where you want to go eat?
  • Girl 2: I don't know. Weaver D's?
  • Girl 1: I've never been there before. Isn't that a seafood restaurant?
  • Girl 2: No, that's Captain D's!
  • Girl 1: Oh yeah, you're right.

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turns out it forms a bad mental image

23 [+ / -]     Feb 24, 2010

  • Sorostitute: Wait, what kind of image does this lens form?
  • Fratty: I think it's an erect image.
  • Sorostitute: No, it's the opposite. What's the opposite of erect?
  • Fratty: Flaccid?

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