the latest from the red and black

brand new: overseen in athens

Just in time for finals, we're launching a brand new site called Overseen in Athens!

For years you've been watching your tongue so that what you say doesn't end up here. Now, you'll have to watch how you look. You never know who has a camera.

Here's the link

 

"...why do you think i'm an only child?"

9 [+ / -]     May 11, 2008

  • Young Professor: I am probably going to let you guy go a little early today because I have to pick my Mom up at the airport.
  • (All the girls in the front row say "awwww")
  • Young Professor: No! Its not like that, my mother has the parental instincts of a species that has the tendency to eat its young.

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it's ok, we'll do it for her

27 [+ / -]     May 11, 2008

  • Girl 1: I locked my keys in my car, so I'm waiting on my mom to call me.
  • Girl 2: Is she on her way here?
  • Girl 1: No, she's going to call me on my cell phone and use the unlock button on my spare keys at home. When she hits it, I'll point my cell at my car it'll unlock the door.
  • Girl 2: Please don't tell anyone else that.

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if they touch, they might both disappear

16 [+ / -]     May 11, 2008

  • Sorostitute: So she was just like, "Hey, I'm just gonna warn you. I know you're a Republican and that guy is gay... so be careful."

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clearly, the cold war is not over

-25 [+ / -]     May 10, 2008

  • Guy 1: Our two high school counites are rivals.
  • Guy 2: Really, why?
  • Guy 1: Because we beat you guys every year.
  • Guy 2: Yeah, but why do we have to fight?
  • Guy 1: I mean, why do North Korea and South Korea fight?
  • Guy 1: Because North Korea overtook South Korea.
  • Guy 2 : That has nothing to do with counties
  • Guy 1: Yes it does, it explains everything.

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can you hear william wallace turning in his grave?

18 [+ / -]     May 10, 2008

  • Sociology Instructor: (talking about ideas) Where is the only place that you truly have freedom?
  • Dude: Amsterdam?

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you should be happy... why aren't you smiling?

37 [+ / -]     May 10, 2008

  • Girl 1: Ohmigod! Did I tell you what my parents are getting me for graduation? My first Botox injections!
  • Girl 2: Ohmigod! You are so lucky!

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practice makes perfect, right?

31 [+ / -]     May 10, 2008

  • (Guy in CPR class is refusing to give CPR to an infant dummy)
  • Instructor: Go ahead. Put your mouth up to it.
  • Guy: No!
  • Instructor: C'mon, it's just like you're making out with a baby.
  • Guy: You're making this really awkward.
  • Instructor: What's awkward about saving lives?

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let me say it a few more times, maybe it'll make me even more stoned

16 [+ / -]     May 10, 2008

  • Fratty: Hey, do you guys have, like, liquid cheese dip? You, know, it's like cheese and stuff, but liquid... liquid cheese dip, you know.

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she must be thinking of the british spelling

-23 [+ / -]     May 10, 2008

  • Girl: (wearing pants that say "soccer" on the ass) Kiss my ass! All nine letters of it!

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the scary thing is it's plural

33 [+ / -]     May 09, 2008

  • Fratty: (to girl) Well, it was good to see you again. Good luck with your STDs.

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a veritable jolly rancher

36 [+ / -]     May 09, 2008

  • Drunk Sorostitute: (to bartender) I want something cheap, but bursting with flavor.
  • Annoyed woman next to her: I bet your ass is cheap but bursting with flavor.

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and where the hell did i put that map?

25 [+ / -]     May 09, 2008

  • (Drunk Girl is walking around Russell Hall, talking on cell phone)
  • Drunk Girl on cell: I'm dying! I'm dying!
  • (pause)
  • Drunk Girl on cell: No, I'm walking into Molly O' Sheas right now. Okay, now I'm walking to Sandbar. Yes, see you in a minute.
  • (She walks towards Russell)
  • Drunk Girl on cell:I think, wait, now I'm at sandbar. Help!

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ironically, roosevelt was known to be able to hold his breath for years at a time

38 [+ / -]     May 09, 2008

  • Guy 1: How often do they clean this pool?
  • Guy 2: I dunno... never?
  • Guy 1: I found a dime! It's from 1999!
  • Guy 2: Oh my god, it's been in there that long?

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but then who would the nerds save?

9 [+ / -]     May 09, 2008

  • Girl: What is it about Princess Zelda? Why is that stupid bitch always getting herself in trouble? It happens a million times again and again. I wish she'd just get her head chopped off and end it.

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don't ask, don't tell, please don't take my class again

35 [+ / -]     May 09, 2008

  • Guy on cell: Yeah, I got a D in Chemistry.
  • (pause)
  • Guy on cell: It's totally awesome because I was failing... I mean, I had a 40 in the class but I totally flirted with the professor and he passed me!
  • (pause)
  • Guy on cell: Yeah, I wore really short soccer shorts and unbuttoned my shirt to show off my pecs.

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